Breaking up is hard to do

To split or not to split; that is the question when a relationship hits the rocks. How do we decide when to talk and when to walk? And if we walk, how do we deal with the inevitable heartache down that road to singledom?

BREAKING UP AND STAYING FRIENDS

One of the hardest things about breaking up is missing the other person’s company, the insightful opinions only a guy can give a girl, the 15 minute discussions about the issues in Ally McBeal and so forth. Well it’s still possible to be friends with your ex unless of course if he is abusive and violent.

Here are some tips on how one can still be friends with your ex and eventually get over the break up.

Give yourself some cooling-off time. Breakups like period cramps, goes away after some nursing. It’s OK to nurse yourself and be alone for a while. Give each other some solo time to process the fact that you’re no longer a couple. If you continue seeing each other every day without taking into account the major change in your relationship, one of you might end up confused about the status of the relationship and the hurt will bound to happen again. The temptation to call or go out with the person is tremendous but all you need is will power and the help of your other friends.

Don’t ask don’t tell. Stay away from discussing topics involving upcoming dates, recent hookups, new crushes, etc. Instead stick to nonthreatening (but important) subjects - family news, friends, the trauma of college applications, the best movies in town and so on. Never underestimate the little green monster that lives within. You may think you no longer feel territorial about your ex but that doesn’t mean you need to hear the details of his latest date and vice versa.

Keep details of the breakup private. Most of the times we need to talk about it. Even if we do, find friends you can really trust or keep the details to the minimum. It is also alright if you don’t want to talk about it. What happened in the relationship is between the two of you and you don’t have to disclose it to other people. If word spreads sometimes, it is hard to re-start the friendship on the right foot.

Maintain separate lives. Don’t start taking up his favourite game, snooker and hanging out at all at same snooker joints where he and friends hangout. Instead find your own space and your own set of friends. It’s always a good time to learn a new sport or hobby with all the free time on your hands now. Besides it’s also a good way to meet new people and feel good about yourself. It also means the next time you meet him, you can show off the new you.

Don’t consider dating his brother, best friend or even his arch rival who you know makes him feel inadequate. Agreeing to unlimited freedom is one thing. Walking into your house and finding you ex snuggling with your sister on the couch is a bit too much. Feelings of betrayal can leave a foul taste in everyone’s mouth. Besides revenge is never the best way unless of course if he is a jerk.